Is This My Fault?

When I first began this journey, one of the thoughts I struggled with was “is this somehow my fault”. I wondered if I ate the wrong things or used the wrong cleaners in my kitchen. But most of all, I wondered if my prayers had somehow caused this. When I had previously prayed “God, give me a closer relationship to you” or “God, help me understand how much you love me”, did that somehow trigger God to create one of the biggest valleys in my life, in order that through this valley those prayers might be answered? Like when we say “be careful when you pray for patience, because God will put all the annoying people in your path!” Because if that is true, then I may never pray for anything again for fear of how it might be answered!

Through those questions, I learned an important aspect about God. My incredible husband had the perfect, one sentence answer when I asked him about it; he said “If you ask for bread, our God does not give a stone.”
And the context behind this answer (Matthew 7:9-11) is that if our own son were to ask for bread, then wouldn’t we, as the parents, give him the bread, because we love him? Of course! We want to give him good things, the things he needs, wants, and that make him happy. Doing so makes us happy. So if we, as messed up humans, know how to give good gifts to our children, how much more does our Father in heaven do that for us when we ask?

Sickness, disease, and death were never a part of God’s plan. He created the world and called that creation good. It was a literal paradise, where everything in it was perfect. No sickness, no disease, no racism, no war, no cyberbullying, no sexual harassment, no broken marriages, no boring jobs, no broken dreams. It was perfect. And that’s how He intended for us to live.
Unfortunately, people aren’t perfect, and imperfect people living in a perfect place instantly makes it an imperfect place. We made choices so we couldn’t stay in paradise, and as a result we live in a world that Satan runs. A world that has all this stuff that God never wanted for us.
This sickness is not from God. He didn’t want it for me, He didn’t cause it for me. In fact, God’s nature is to heal. When He was on the earth, no one who came to Him ever walked away without being healed. The very reason He came to earth was to heal! His very name is “Jehovah-Rapha” which means “The God who Heals”.
When I understand this about God, my perspective of Him changes from a cosmic choreographer who I am just hoping has a good plan for my life, to a personal Father who will give me bread and not a stone because of how much He cares for me. He is for me, on my side, helping me to heal, because He wants me well.

Sometimes right now when I ask people “how are you”, I can see in their face they want to respond with something that is burdening their heart, but they just say “fine” or “good” because they think whatever it is, it isn’t as bad as what I’m going through, so it’s silly to complain to the person with cancer. First of all, ok I supposed I’m glad that I could provide you some perspective on what you’re going through. You’re welcome, I’ll be here all week!

However… I can look just as many people in the eye and know that my situation is not as bad as theirs, because I have hope, and they don’t. I have a God who heals, and they don’t know that God.

My point to all this is you may not be facing cancer like me, but you are facing something, we all are. God also wants you well. He did not intend sickness, disease, or the evil things of this world for you. Your grief of a lost loved one, your bitterness of a broken relationship, your eating disorder, your uncertain doctors appointment, your battles with anxiety and depression, the past that still haunts you, He grieves over those with you too, and He is a God who heals – He heals broken bodies, broken minds, and broken hearts.

If you know this God, you know can’t face those things alone and you can’t heal those things on your own. You can try, but the duct tape will always show. Give them to Him to heal.

And if you don’t know Him, you need to know Him. Just ask him to be part of your life and heal the broken parts.
He will not give you a stone.