Category: Friends Helping Friends

It’s mind-boggling to me just how often someone calls me to say “my friend/family member was just diagnosed with cancer. I want to help, what are some things I can do for them?” So I put together a little list of practical ways you can help and some material things you can collect for a gift basket.

I will preface by saying the most helpful things were when someone came up with an idea and just did it, usually without even asking, because it really took the pressure off me. They also didn’t make me try to figure out the logistics or make it intrusive; for example, they set up a meal train but also put a cooler on the front porch so friends could just drop meals off on the days when we weren’t up for visitors (which reminds me, I still have the cooler and it’s now a shameful amount of time that I haven’t returned it…but whoever it belongs to hasn’t asked sooooo…if you’re looking for your cooler…)

Additionally, the most helpful things weren’t things, but acts of service that lasted throughout the journey. The signups that my friends created to send cards in the mail, clean the house, or mow the lawn for several months were some of the incredible blessings that we could not have ever asked for, but they took a huge weight off our shoulders.

Services:

• Clean the House: If you can make this happen, it’s my number one recommendation. You can tell your friend “we have all chipped in for a cleaning service, I just need to know when a good day/time will be for them to come by each week.”
• Mow the Lawn: They also put together a signup list to mow the lawn each week. Someone would come over every Saturday and text Matt they were on the way, and he would open up the garage to the lawn supplies.
• Walk the Kids: Similarly, you could also create a signup list to help pick their kids up from school or walk their dogs. Say something like “we created a carpool to pick up your kids every morning-all you have to do is tell us what time to show up.”
• Look Around: If you are visiting, look around and see what small task you could take care of while you are there. Do a load of dishes, take out the trash, fold a load of laundry. And in most circumstances, don’t ask, just do!

Meal Trains:

The meal train is the southern go-to for showing support! While they are often very useful during cancer, they can be tricky for a chemo patient because certain foods and smells can cause nausea, or they might be sticking to a specific diet. This is one area I suggest checking first if they are in this stage. At the least, it might be helpful to bring over meals for the kids and spouse, but don’t be discouraged if this is something they decline.

Cards In the Mail:

I LOVED getting cards in the mail- someone put together a signup so I got a card in the mail almost every day for months. It was so encouraging and helped me stay positive. I still have every single one.

Gift Baskets Ideas:

• “Queasy drops”: Found on amazon, flavored throat lozenges with essential oils and also come in sugar free. Good for nausea anytime, but extra great for the post-surgery scratchy throat. (except the banana-flavored one – bleh!)
• Visa Gift Cards- I know, this one is no fun for the giver – but there are a thousand things you don’t think about needing and insurance doesn’t cover, such as needing new clothes because chemo makes you lose or gain weight, needing new bras after a mastectomy, or buying different cleaning or laundry supplies because the smells are now bothersome.
• Mary Kay Volumizing Brow Tint: I didn’t lose my eyebrows or lashes, but they got very thin, and this product was awesome to help them look thicker and more normal.
• Lemon or Peppermint Essential Oils: I took these along to chemo treatments because they covered up the smells that bothered me and were also good for nausea.
• Silly Putty, Squishies, or other “Fiddle Toys”: Helped to focus my anxiety somewhere else!
• Comfort Items: Like soft socks or a soft blanket.
• Itunes Gift Cards: So they can download movies to watch.
• Books: “Find Your Brave” by Holly Wagner, “Praying for the Cure” by Mary J Nelson, “Pink Edition” Bible that with devotions specific to breast cancer patients.
• Something Personal: I received some meaningful gifts like homemade blankets or a book with all my friends’ favorite scripture verses, and they are the things that touched my heart the most. 

Specifically for Mastectomies:

After a mastectomy, there are drains that stay with you for a few weeks that can be cumbersome, and it’s difficult to lift your arms or rest them against your sides at first, so you have to get a little creative with daily activities.  All of these are products I was SO grateful that someone suggested and they made life so much easier in those first weeks of recovery.

• The Brobe: Infinitely better than a hospital gown! Has pockets specific for the drains, a post-surgery compression bra, and it’s super soft.
• Gentle Touch Camisole: Tank top with the same pockets for drains, also has Velcro front.
• Cushie Microbead Roll Pillow: Get two of these to prop up your arms while sitting or sleeping to avoid resting them against your sides.
• Back Scratcher: Cuz it’s hard to reach!
• Wedge & Knee Pillow: If you have to sleep elevated in the beginning.
• Shower Seat, Removable Shower Head, Bed Rail: I know, let’s all feel like we’re 80 years old with these. But you might need help washing your hair or getting out of bed in those first few weeks.
• Wet Wipes: I think this one is self-explanatory.
• Flossers: It’s just easier than two-handed dental floss.
• Scar Strips: This was the brand recommended by my doctor and I thought they worked wonders, but definitely defer to whatever your doc might prefer.
• Spa Gift Card: Might I recommend an underarm wax just before surgery, as shaving will be difficult during those first few weeks when it’s hard to raise your arms!

If you have walked this journey before, what would you add to this list?