Daily Archives: January 19, 2020
If you haven’t had a chance to read my most recent post What Every Survivor Wants You to Know, you can catch up here.
In short, I spoke about what I expected to happen after cancer versus what actually happens. The reality is there is a new season after cancer, one that holds an unforeseen struggle because life never really goes “back to normal” as you expected it to. Instead, what every Survivor wishes everyone around them knew is that the fight with cancer, even though it’s over, it still isn’t over. It’s never really over.
So the question now is, why is this the heart-cry of every Survivor I’ve encountered thus far?
When those on the outside looking in see cancer as being “done” with, it can cause us Survivors to become hesitant to talk about the things in life that are going well.
This is because every time we do so, it feels like it needs the disclaimer “this may be good, but life is still not ok all the time, and I need you to know that”. So instead, we abandon the disclaimer and revert to focusing our speech on the tough stuff because we must make sure you don’t get the wrong impression that everything is “back to normal”. As a result, our conversation is heavily swayed towards the negative, when the truth is there is an abundance of good things to be thankful for.
It’s as if we speak a different language now that we’ve survived cancer, but we aren’t sure how to translate it to help our friends understand all of it. We want to do things like focus on the positive. But we also don’t want to “lie” or make it sound like everything is ok when it’s not. Then we feel guilty for complaining when the truth is, life is so much better now than it was before. Tricky little cycle, isn’t it?
The truth is, just like everyone else, we want to be known. Which means we want those around us to understand that life is still a struggle, and we still need the support of our friends. Focusing on the positive is difficult to do when you feel that no one understands what life is really like for you now.
So when you let your Survivor friend know you understand that it’s not over and it’s not “back to normal”, it gives them the freedom to speak those powerful words of hope and truth and removes their need to make sure you “get” how hard life still is for them. It gives them the freedom to speak positively without the “disclaimer”.
And, the bonus for you, it will allow them to be more open to receive the words of hope and truth and encouragement that I know you want to speak over them as well.
It’s not over. It will never be over. This is the “new normal”, whatever that means. But to the Survivor let me say that just because it’s not over doesn’t mean life can’t be ok. In fact, life can even be great again, despite all these new parts of it you are still navigating. And that’s what I’ll be talking about in my next post, so don’t miss it!
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